DON’T WORRY, I’LL SAVE YOU.
First, we need to get you both breathing, asap! Follow these instructions:
- Stop watching the trailers right now - stop the video and back away from the computer.
- HANDS OFF THE FREAKING PLAY BUTTON DON’T TOUCH IT YOU GOTTA STOP WATCHING.
- I SAID STOP.
- HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU. STOP WATCHING.
- DON’T MAKE ME COME THERE.
- I SWEAR TO GOD.
- Good ok now that’s better.
To stop yourself from hyperventilating and/or fainting, find a paperbag to breathe in. Check if there’s any candy in there for you. Sedatives are just fine as well.
Once your breathing is at least somewhat steady, you can start working on the whole getting up from the floor thing, but take your time. First on your knees, then on your feet. Find your balance.
If the trailer is paused on your computer screen, turn it off by throwing it with the closest blunt object you can find. Yes, a shoe is fine. Yes, a chair is excellent. Sure, go for the sofa if you’re looking for a challenge.
And most importantly - do not rewatch until you’ve processed the initial shock and bought yourself a new computer.